Yesterday, I was dying – not literally. I didn’t eat and then couldn’t take it when my stomach told me I was going to die… and so I ate some shredded chicken… just a bit. Then back to potatoes.
I was out of town so I didn’t get a good weigh-in I’ll have to wait until tomorrow. I’m in some other world right now mentally. Physically, my body is very weak. I can move a lot, but not do too much. If I do much then my body is like “yeah, this is what normal feels like, you got this.” then after it’s like “you’re a lunatic. what were you thinking ahole? penn said that ray said don’t do anything. it’s winter. slumber. time to rest.” the problem is that I’m a fidgeter. I’ll sit for hours and tell people I don’t move. In reality, I don’t know that I move. During the day though, I can sit still for hours… also not know that I’ve moved hundreds of times to get something or go pick up something or straighten something, go downstairs to look at something, whatever it is.
I will tell you this though. I walked to the edge of my lawn. That sounds completely fking stupid. but I walked to the edge of my lawn and nearly cried 15 pounds down and wasn’t fking out of breath and didn’t feel like I wanted to die. only 15 pounds down. that’s amazing on its own.
My head is a bit light headed and weird. I don’t know why though. lack of fat? I’m not sure. I do get phases where I’m hungry and not. I just eat a few more potatoes and then stop or drink water. I am tired and then not. it’s such a… there’s a big word that goes here that means opposites lol… but I can’t think of it… uh dichotomy that’s it I think.
I don’t really crave anything so that’s super nice. I do, however, want to smother the potatoes with chicken sometimes… but like the chicken belongs on it, not like a craving, but like I get up to get potatoes and the chicken should be there kind of thing.
Well, off til tomorrow.