Last Sunday (or so) I bought my wife “Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead 2” which also came with the original. I wasn’t interested, but I watched with her anyway (that’s what you’re supposed to do – well, that and not huffing an puffing while attending her event – which I also complied with). I am interested in a lot of different information and so I watched. I expected some gimmicky something. I did not get that gimmicky anything. I did see a lot of motivation. His story, while not the same as mine, was inspiring.
My wife, who has been fantastic – a lot of guys say their wives are amazing, mine really is (her secret identity is Wonder Woman – shhh our secret) – has asked me for only one thing since we’ve been together: to live as long as she does. She has always been acceptant of my larger size. She is also one of the few people who has known me at 170-190 (nearly 100 pounds ago). All of this time she’s loved me and been there for me.
She’s also been very frustrated. Her frustration stems from the fact that I start a workout then get stressed or let work take over my life and then my workout goes away and the next thing that happens is that I eat a bag of donettes and drink a 6 pack of Coke during the day… then week… then month… then few months. When the stress is gone, I go back to eating well, and cutting back Coke to 1 or 2 a day. Now, that’s not to say that I eat donettes entirely. I don’t like candies or cakes or really anything sweet except Coke. However, when I get stressed I eat a lot more than normal – an example being a pizza (medium, large, whatever) and then Taco Bell a couple of times a day… like a Chicken XXL Grilled Stuft Burrito or Sonic Bacon Double Cheeseburger with tots. See where this is going? I make bad choices and it’s easy to justify. “It’s just one meal a day” or whatever the excuse I give myself is. The fact is that when I get stressed out I drop everything else in my life and focus on relieving that stress… and I do that by working through it and eating poorly.
Recently, my wife asked me for only one thing – to be smaller. At first I was heartbroken and upset, angry even (and I don’t get angry). I even thought “you said you loved me at this size”. It took a few days for me to think it through and not be upset with her. She’s not saying she doesn’t love me now. She’s not saying that she won’t love me at this size. She is saying that she wants me to be healthier (btw, for those wondering, my lab results are normal – the only thing not healthy about me is my weight… and my love of Cobie Smulders and Zooey Deschanel slow dancing with Stephen Amell and Matt Bomer in a 4 square of Barry White melodies). She’s tired of me complaining that I get out of breath going up the stairs (even though I can do multiple inverted pushups with the TRX). She’s tired of me complaining about different things then seeing (or hearing) me open a can of Coke. She’s tired of me complaining about not being smaller while I order pizza. All of that is understandable. Please don’t fault her for any of that. I got mad at her the other day for the same thing. She was feeling great then ate some popcorn and something else and didn’t feel well and got headaches… over multiple days. Then, she complained about it and I got upset with her. I understand her frustration. Just look at my blog here since I’ve started doing this online. This blog isn’t the first journal I’ve ever done on weight loss since 2000 – just the first one I’ve decided to publish for others to see in the hopes that maybe it’ll help them. I used to keep detailed workout logs including foods, workouts, etc. One day, I’ll publish those as well. And back then, I was just 180-190 pounds. So you can also see that I’ve had a lot of problems with my self image and weight struggles for 18+ years.
Sorry, I went off in a different direction a couple of times. My wife is very supportive of me and my TRX workouts. She notes that when I workout with TRX there are a lot of things better (including a couple I can’t mention b/c they are in the bedroom). My mood is better, I’m stronger, I enjoy things more, I don’t get as stressed about work… and a few others. I fully believe (and I know I’ve read an article here or there about it) that at least some of my depression is related to my weight. Not being fat, mind you, but the physical effects of carrying an extra 100 pounds. In addition, my self esteem is at an all time high b/c I’m at the middle of my game professionally. I have a fantastic home life (that is like most others where we have ups and downs and the ups always outweigh the downs). And I am working on projects that mean something to me personally (like the Cherokee English Dictionary project and a tornado sensor project). So, other than having weight and some stress I have a great life.
Where is all of this going? Well, back to the beginning. Since 1997 or so I’ve struggled with the fact that, at that time, I was 10 pounds over my personal ideal weight at 170. I didn’t like being 160 much, but at 170 that was too much… from that point it got worse. I worked out daily for a long time, but I was eating crappy. Then in 2002 I was running daily and working out from May to October. I was able to run 5 minute miles… but I still weighed 190ish pounds… because I was eating crappy. From there it went up. In 2003, while in Iraq, I was diagnosed with OCD (emphasis on the ‘O’) and prescribed Zoloft (which eventually went up to 200 mg a day or more)… at that point, I was again eating crappy and my weight went very quickly up to 245-265 pounds over 3-4 months which is what it would be when I came home in July 04. From there it’s remained the same or gone up a little each year. My largest was about 291 (which is somewhere in this blog). So 10 years 100 pounds or so.
As you have followed through this blog you will notice dates… If I had continued to just walk or just workout or whatever then it would’ve been 2 years and I would’ve been in great shape. But I do well for 3-4 months then I get stressed out and slide back. So my weight and fitness (weight because of fitness and food) are tied together. They go back up… then I start over after 3-4 months. I’m causing my own yo-yo effect.
And that leads us back to the beginning… Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead and the sequel. I watched them both. What struck me wasn’t the weight loss (which was impressive) but how the people evolved to their energetic state. Remember, my goal isn’t to lose weight, but be able to do one solitary full body, full weight pull-up. Even then, at working out on the TRX (which I dearly love) I’m not losing weight that I can feel. I know I’m losing size, but not weight. I want to do both – but not for me. I found out that Stephen Amell is coming to Planet ComiCon in Kansas City next March. I joke that I wanted to lose weight for that. In reality, I needed an excuse to lose weight that I didn’t think people would be upset for. When you say “I’m losing weight” and people ask “why?” you’re supposed to say “myself, my health” or some crap. That’s not it. I don’t do this for me. I do it for my wife. She deserves someone smaller. She deserves someone that can do a TRX Body Saw for 45 minutes (wink). She deserves me to be healthier and stronger. I don’t know that she deserves for me to live longer 😉 but she wants me to.
So, for a week I’ve been migrating from all solid foods (which I really didn’t eat much anyway as I was intermittent fasting for 2-3 weeks before that). In any case, this last week I’ve downed about 80 oz of water a day and between 4-6 Cokes (I know, I know, shut it) and then had one solid food meal at dinner. The idea was to clean out my intestines (not to drink Coke). Which did work. I feel better. I also noticed that I felt much better yesterday and today than I had through most of the last year. I’ve felt like my mind has been clearer than ever before (or at least that I can remember). I’ve been able to focus this week (just look at this blog post). It’s been great. I also tried a couple of juices. My wife went on a juice kick a couple of years ago which I was not supportive of. I didn’t get it (not the juicing the support). I now understand. I’m doing this for her which is even better motivation for me b/c when she giggles later on it’ll make me happier. As for support, I didn’t understand the need for it, you just do stuff or you don’t. I don’t feel like I need support in a lot of things in my life so I don’t ask for it. This time, however, she asked if I’d be willing to do it and I emphatically said “yes”. When I say this is for her it’s not to say that I won’t have any benefits nor that I’m begrudgingly doing it. I’m doing this because I love her and she’s asked me for only one thing in 5 years (though technically she did
con me into ask me to marry her and that’s to be smaller.
Today I’m eating some foods that I won’t have for the next 10-60 days. I don’t know what my juicing will look like. I will juice for 60 days. I don’t know if that will be straight or if I will need to take breaks (for a day) every 15 or so. I will be posting videos that are much shorter than this blog which will cover my workouts, juices had, how I feel, and more. My wife will only be doing this for the first 10 days.
Last night my wife and I figured out what juices we would drink from the simple plan (red, orange, green, purple, yellow) and then what ingredients we’d need. I then went to Wal-Mart (the first time I’ve been in a Wal-Mart for more than a year) and loaded up my cart with enough veggies to last most of the week. I say most because we’re not sure how much we really needed (how many celery stalks are in a bunch?) so I estimated about 75%. We’ll keep track of what we use and what we have to get extra which will then determine how much we use over the next 7 days. After that we’ll have a much better idea of how much produce will be needed. While checking out I put beets up (which were wet). The checkout lady, in a German-like accent, said “thank you for choosing me for all of your wet stuff”. I chuckled, she was adorable. I couldn’t tell if she was joking or not, but I thought it was hilarious.
Photos of the cart, checkout line, table and fridge.